Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Just some thoughts.

So, I have been thinking a lot lately, especially since we have had to work on a behavior change in health class. I have awful self-esteem, or if you rather....none. I can't seem to accept myself how I am. I look in the mirror and despise what I see. If there's such a thing as a "fat girl syndrome" I have it. I have lost 70 pounds, and still see the same 70 pounds heavier girl. What if I lose the last 40 pounds and still see the fat girl? Has anyone else gone through this? How did you get through it if you did?

Another thing I would like to write about, just to get off my mind....is depression. I am constantly depressed. It keeps me from functioning to my fullest sometimes. Sometimes I just lie around instead of getting stuff done when I am depressed. Somedays I feel so down that I can't concentrate on school work so I keep procrastinating. Sometimes I feel so depressed I don't want to get up and work out, or eat healthy. I am wondering if that's why I am having a hard time losing weight now.....and then I feel that I will never lose the rest and I will be fat forever, which only depresses me more and I spiral even further.

I am afraid I need help, but I don't want to get help. Not sure I can handle the depression much longer though.

No comments:

Post a Comment