Update: Week 13

Finally, another update! Here is my 13th update (although it really is like the 18th week because I skipped a few updates).

Friday I saw my nutritionist again and got a lot of good news. Lost almost 7 more pounds. Found out my a1c result. 6.7 percent (or 147 average). My goal is to get the average under 140.

My nutritionist also gave me the Just Dance 2 for the Wii as a christmas gift! It's a lot of fun, so I would recommend it for anyone looking for a fun workout.

I cannot think of anything to add to this update, so until next time...I will talk to all of you soon.

Update: Week 12

So today, the 12th of November, I saw my nutritionist. She was proud of all my efforts in the past 5 weeks. I walked over 10,000 steps almost everyday, my blood sugar was pretty good most of the time.

I also lost 5.8 pounds in 5 weeks.

I will see the doctor in a few weeks for a checkup, and then get my blood taken for the a1c test.

I will update as I know more.

Favorites: Music

Weekly I will post something that has to do with favorites; such as music, movies, books, or etc.
This week it will be favorite songs at the time being.

(they are in no order)

• Firework - Katy Perry
• Glitter In The Air - Pink
• Perfect - Hedley
• Ghost - Parachute
  
• 3,000 Miles - Valencia
  
• Summer Sweetness- Hello Hollywood
• Anything by The Summer Set
• Dakota - A Rocket To The Moon
• Noise - Chris Hendricks
• Need You Now - Sparks The Rescue (originally by Lady Antebellum)
• Waiting For The End - Linkin Park

What are your favorite songs? Feel free to leave your favorites in a comment!

Birthday & Update.

Today was another Friday, so I weighed in and lost another pound....bringing the total to 40 pounds! 30 pounds of that I lost since June when I was diagnosed with Diabetes. I can see that my blood sugar seems to be getting in better control with the more weight I lose and I still have about 70 pounds to go.

On another note, my Birthday is Sunday. I will be 23. Nothing too fancy planned, just will spend it with family and have some Pizza. Since it's a special occasion seems like it would be okay to Indulge.

Finally, I've been working on my second novel. The first novel I have not given up on, but I am giving it a rest. I am excited about the novel and am finding a lot of new ideas. I will post about it sometime after Sunday. I hope you all will enjoy to find out what it will be about....and I hope one day I will be able to find a great publisher who will publish it.

Till next time, I will talk to all of you soon.

Update: Week 10

This week I lost about a pound, and I feel glad to be getting closer week by week to my goal. I am less than 2 pounds away from losing 40 pounds since I started. At 12 more pounds I will have lost 50 pounds! Still a long way to go, but I am excited to get there.

Not much else to update this week.

Until next week, I will talk to all of you soon.

Just an update;

Just wanted to post a little update, since I havent in a few weeks. Met with my nutritionist today, things are going well in that area. Lost 6 pounds in 5 weeks. Since around the middle of June I have lost around 25 pounds; over 30 pounds since I first began this journey. I hope to start posting every Friday again, but I'm not good with keeping up with things like that.

Until next time; talk to all of you soon.

Get To Know Me Series # 1

I will post surveys, or questions that I find so that anyone who stops by my blog can know me a bit more. If you read my blog, and have one to; let me know so I can read yours as well!

Are you angry with someone right now?
Not at the moment, no.

Where is the last person you kissed?
1,000+ miles away

Do you believe what goes around comes around?
I suppose so.

Where do you wish you were right now?
That 1,000+ miles away

What’s most important in a relationship: honesty or trust?
You have to be honest with someone to have their trust.

What’s the best thing about summer?
Sunshine, I suppose.

Why did you and your last ex split up?
Because he wouldn't take the answer no; and then told me to kill myself.

Are promises important to you?
The actions that follow.

What’s something you really regret saying to someone?
Nothing.

Do you hate being home alone?
Here, no....but I wish I was elsewhere with someone

How are you feeling as of this moment?
Anxious & hopeful.

Do you currently have feelings for anybody?
Yes, I definitely do.

What were you doing at 12 am last night?
Something on the computer.

What are you doing tonight?

Same, probably watching a movie too.

Where is the person who has your heart at the moment?
1,000+ miles away; where my HOME is.

Update + Weigh In # 8

It's been eight weeks already!? I can't believe it. However this week I do have some good news to post!

First the weekly workouts & Glucose.

8/27 /10 - 57 Minute workout; 235 calories burned [153,214,166]
8/28/10 - 55 Minute Workout; Unsure Cals Burned [143,293, 154]
8/29/10 -30 Minute workout; 145 calories burned [142, 175]
8/30/10 - 35 Minute Workout; 114 calories burned [151,151]
8/31/10 - 32 Minute Workout; 155 calories burned [161, 170]
9/1/10 -58 Minute Workout; 191 calories burned [136,231,154]
9/2/10 - 41 Minute Workout; 152 calories burned [142, 162]

WEEKLY WEIGH IN!
Lost .6 this week.....bringing total weight loss to 30 pounds!

Update:

This week I met with my nutritionist (and Diabetes Educator) for my montly check in. I got the results from my blood tests from the other day and have great news to report. I lowered my A1C. It was 10.7 when I tested and was diagnosed with Diabetes 3 months ago. Now it is 7.1, that is a big drop. Losing weight has helped a lot, as well as taking control.

Some people neglect to take control and end up in bad situations. Some think that since they don't show symptoms of bigger problems that they are fine and then find themselves losing valuable things years down the road.

I also had a test to see if there was any damage to my Kidneys. Results were great. The normal/good range was 30 (whatever units of measurement) or less, and my result was a 6.

In about a week I will found out what my level of Vitamin D is.....and see if I need more or less of that.

Anyway....that is all the news and updates I have for this week. Until next Friday......I will talk to all of you soon.

Update + Weigh in # 7

8/21- 23 minutes, 90 calories burned [149, 194]
8/22- 20 minutes, 92 calories burned [153, 177]
8/23- 46 minutes, 208 calories burned [173,221,143]
8/24- 20 minutes, 78 calories burned [142,204,107]
8/25- 51 minutes, 172 calories burned [131,225,164]
8/26- 62 minutes, 192 calories burned [160,230,118]

* [this is blood sugar levels first one in the morning, second after a meal. If there is a third it is because the second was too high so worked out to lower it]




Lost 2.2 pounds this week, bringing the total to 29 pounds!


I had a doctor appointment this week. Mainly just a checkup and to see what tests the doctor wants me to take. Next week I will have another a1c test to see if overall I have lowered my blood sugar in the past three months. I will also have a vitamin D level test to see if I need more (most likely because most people don't get enough). Also a microalbumin test to see if there is any damage to my liver. That's especially important because I do not know how long I have had diabetes.

Next week I will update with the results to the tests. Till then, I will talk to all of you soon.

Update & Weigh In # 6

Here it is, week 6 since I have been posting these weekly weigh in's on my blog. First as always, the workouts through the week.

8/15 - 32 Minutes, 137 calories burned
8/16 - 18 Minutes, 73 calories burned
8/17 - camping
8/18 - 41 Minutes, 173 calories burned
8/19 - 28 Minutes, 148 calories burned
8/20 - 21 minutes, 108 calories burned

Weigh In: Maintained.

That is understandable since it's been a hectic week. My cousins were here, and we went camping.

Nothing fancy this week, I will just keep the post short. Talk to you all next week for another weigh in.

Update & Weigh -In: Week # 5

Photo Source

8/6/10 - 23 minutes 109 Calories burned --
8/7/10 - 31 minutes 130 Calories burned [b/s:157;194] 7,065 steps
8/8/10 - 50 minutes 223 Calories burned [b/s: 149;190] 9,099 steps
8/9/10 - 31 minutes, 137 Calories burned [b/s:140;131] 5,240 steps
8/10/10 -30 minutes, 118 Calories burned [b/s:140;232;141] 5,024 steps
8/11/10 -31 minutes 131 Calories burned [b/s:147;179] 5,635 steps
8/12/10 -34 minutes, 134 Calories burned [b/s:153;132] 10,442 steps
8/13/10 - 39 Minutes, 172 Calories burned [b/s:136;169] 7,202 steps


Weigh In: Lost 1.2 Pounds this week!

Upcoming Writing Projects: More Info

So for the past few weeks I have been working on new writing projects (and new techniques for old projects too). I thought I would give a quick update for anyone interested.

First, the "old" project with "new" techniques. I read a tip given by the author that inspires me the most (who happens to also be my favorite author) Ellen Hopkins. She talked about creating your characters, figuring out what they are all about and let them tell their own story. Rather than create the plot and the situations and trying to make the characters fit in. Create the story around who they are. So I started working on that with two of my novel ideas and learned that two of the stories are actually going to work together (but still be separate).

Next, the big writing project that will launch September 1st. I am working on different subjects and with as many ideas that I can find. I am still kind of in the brainstorming stage, and slowly working into research and rough draft stage. I would like to publish one article/creative writing piece a day, or two if possible.

Some ideas are music reviews, movie reviews, book reviews, electronic/game/entertainment reviews, GIMP tutorials, Top 5/10 articles, health/weight loss/diabetes articles

Any suggestions on what I should write about? Anything you would like to know more about? I am open to researching a topic and writing about it.

http://thewritersworkshop.net/writing-2.jpg

Characters Vs Plots/ Ideas

In the past 10 years I have written a lot of poetry, lyrics, short stories, and articles. I've also had many ideas for novels (many of which I have written about in earlier posts on here) but it seems that I have gotten stuck.

For some reason I can't continue with the books even though that has always been my dream. I've been reading answers from my favorite Author, Ellen Hopkins on formspring and it gave me the idea to try something new.

Going to go through the story ideas and try to figure out what the characters are all about. Dig deep into their psyche and let the characters tell their own story.

I am not sure if this will be my answer in finally finishing these stories but it is worth a shot.

Any suggestions?

Week 4 Weigh In & Update

7/31/10 - Taebo - 45 minutes
8/1/10 - Taebo - 20 minutes
8/2/10 - 31 minutes, 135 calories burned
8/3/10 - 33 minutes; 135 calories burned
8/4/10 - 30 minutes, 143 calories burned
8/5/10 - 35 minutes, 162 calories

Unlocked new workout minute bank on the Wii fit + for 20 hours of working out total!

Weight In: Lost 2.4 more pounds this week which makes the total so far 25.6 pounds lost!


Today, Friday August 6th I went to see my nutritionist which I do at the beginning of every month. She was really proud and happy with my success so far. In a month (according to her scale) I lost 6.6 pounds. That's really great in one month! She made a goal for me to walk 10,000 steps daily (which would be 5 miles). I get around 5,000+ steps at the moment. So 10,000 steps will be a hefty goal but very doable.

I think that is all the news I have for this update...so until my next update.....I'll talk to all of you soon.

Update + Weigh In -Week # 3

7/24/10 - 50 minutes; 190 calories burned
7/25/10 - 61 minutes; 238 calories burned
7/26/10 - 31 minutes, 159 calories burned
7/27/10 - 32 Minutes, 143 calories burned
7/28/10 - 60 minutes; 233 calories burned
7/29/10 - 32 minutes; 162 calories burned

Weigh In - 7/30/10

This week I lost 2.6 pounds! So far I've lost 23 pounds, and have 82 to go!

Update:
I have been working out at least 30 minutes a day (as you can see at the beginning of the post), and trying to get better with eating. I am not a fan of fruits or vegetables so it is hard to get them included in my diet. I also don't think I have been getting enough calories everyday. I should consume at least 1200 (up to 1500) but somedays I can't get enough. So still learning as I go.

Next week I meet with my nutritionist again, and I will talk about that next week.

Trying to keep my blood sugar controlled. There is an easy way to lower it: exercise. 15 minutes has proven to lower it a lot.

Till next time, I will talk to all of you soon.

Update & Weigh in - Week # 2

Week # 2 - July 2010
7/19/10 - 50 minutes +217 calories burned [7,665 steps]
7/20/10 - 45 minutes +179 calories burned [6,375 steps]
7/21/10 - 30 minutes +124 calories burned [6,780 steps]
7/22/10 - 42 minutes + 184 calories burned [2,278 steps]

Weigh In: maintained

New Projects in the future!

The first project is about writing more. I love to write but lately have either not been writing or have not had inspiration. If I find inspiration to write poetry or stories I will do so, if not I will work on articles or things like that that need to be researched. I am going to start working on this so in August or September I can have things to post frequently.

The next project is I want to create a manga book/series. Hopefully one day to be able to be found in book stores. First thing is figuring out a story, and also lots of working on my drawing skills. I will write more about that as I figure out what I am going to do.

If you have any ideas for a very different, unique idea for a manga story, feel free to let me know.

Update & Weigh in - Week # 1

7/16/10
Weigh In #1 = loss of 2 pounds

7/15/10 - 43 minutes, 182 calories burned
(the rest of the week + more can be found on my blog)

I will have a more updated post next week as I am not as prepared yet.

There are a lot of issues I need to work on as well as a diet, but I will get to them in time. As I find out ways to beat those issues I will write more about them.

My blood sugar is like a rollarcoaster effect; some days it's high, some it's low (not extreme low), sometimes its moderate. My first goal is to keep it under 200 as much as possible (which I have been doing pretty well) then the next step with my blood sugar will be to get it more under control. 140 after meals an 110 before meals an in the morning.

photo source here

Health, Lifestyle & Goals

Since I am now dieting and sticking to an actual plan with only a few scheduled deviations, I decided I should talk more about it on my blog. So once I week I will post about the success of the week (probably every friday since that is the day I weigh in).

I will include minutes I work out daily, steps counted by my pedometer, weight lossed, and maybe calories consumed (but I havent gotten around to tracking the numbers daily since I don't count calories really anymore...although I try to). My main focus is eating balanced ...with the diabetic exchanges (since our diet is different than those who don't have diabetes).

I will update up till this point and then go to posting on Fridays.

Workouts: These workouts are with the wii fit plus unless stated otherwise.
7/14 - 46 minutes, 205 calories burned
7/13 - 53 minutes, 210 calories burned
7/12 - 48 minutes, 194 calories burned
7/11 - 46 minutes, 214 calories burned
7/10 - 19minutes, 81 calories burned
7/9 - 32 minutes, 129 calories burned
7/8 - 62 minutes,252 calories burned
7/7 - 43 minutes, 194 calories burned
7/6 - 32 minutes, 123 calories burned
7/5 --
7/4 - 32 minutes, 146 calories burned
7/3 --Taebo 45 mins
7/2 - 31 minutes, 195 calories burned
7/1 - 48 minutes, 220 calories burned
6/30 - 33 minutes, 135 calories burned
6/29 - 33 minutes, 187 calories burned

The Highstreet Band Experience

The Highstreet Band was one of the performers on the first night of the 2010 Fourth of July festivities in my town. When I saw their name on the list, I wasn't too enthused, but I was going to to the towns square to watch the fireworks up close. After I heard their first song, I was very pleased to be emersed in their music.

The band is a colorful and eccentric show band, full of not only great musicians, but characters. They wear bright colored zuit suits, to match their colorful personalities. They also get the audience into their songs by walking off the stage and into the crowd, or by getting them to clap or sing along. I really thought it was neat when the saxophone player walked around the crowd during their performance of Zuit Suit Riot.

I also liked the fact that they sang songs from many different genres. Some bands like to stick to one because it's what they know best, but The Highstreet Band did well on every genre they played. They played songs from the 80's and the 90's, they sang country, rock and roll (sang Billie Jean by Michael Jackson), as well as many others. One of my favorite songs they performed was Crazy Love which was written and performed by Van Morrison.

Photo Source

Update On Health - 2.0

After the camping trip, I have finally decided to update about health and where I am with that.

The camping trip was alright. The first day was great, nice weather and got a lot of nice photos (found under my camping and other trip photos page). The next two days were awful. The weather was cold and windy so we stayed in the trailer most of the time.

I did not lose any weight in that week, stayed the exact same to the point. I need to change something to get the weight to start going down.

It's been easier to take my blood sugar test....don't mess up as often.

Well, I don't really have much to update, so I will just end with this. Thanks for reading.

Update on Health.

So for those that know, I was recently diagnosed with type 2 Diabetes. There is too much in the explanation of what diabetes is, so I won't go into that....but for me I am sure part of it is being overweight (obese, actually) and genetics.

So, Friday I went to see my nutritionist who explained what the disease is and how to, of course, eat better. I am hoping that I can help stablize my blood sugar by losing a significant amount of weight. For now, my final goal is to be 100 pounds. I could go down to around 90 for my height but I don't want to be underweight.

So that is where I am heading next. As much as a lifestyle change as I can make. I hate vegetables and fruits (besides apples and potatoes....and salad when I can stomach it), so I am going to just eat those and whole grains, and try to cut back on sodium and carbs and sugar.

Walking 30 minutes a day which is around 2 miles, uping it as much as I can everyday. Eventually I want to be able to run those miles so I can eventually run a 5k or even a marathon.
After I get back from the camping trip (starts Tuesday) I will add kickboxing, dancing, and various workouts. Hopefully when finances allow, I will also get a wii to add some variety with that.

Once I get comfortable with this, then I will start working on the mental stuff.

I will update here maybe once a week, or so and let everyone know how things are going.

Doctors, Health & Weight Loss

Soon, I am going to have another page on my blog about my journey of getting healthier and losing weight; but for now just going to make a little update to my blog.

Not to give out TMI (too much info) or gross anyone out here.

It all started sometime in 2009. I say sometime, because I am not exactly sure when I found the first sign of my skin infection. I am guessing it was at least 6 months ago. Anyway, been to the E.R. and two different doctors and I have a form of cellulitus (a slightly milder form) and now I am on 2 weeks of a new medication (not sure of the name at the moment). I have to take this medication 4 times a day.

Soon I will be meeting with the nutritionist and going on a "diet".

In the morning I will be having some blood taken for some testing. Some to see if I have anemia, thyroid problems, issues with blood pressure or cholestoral, and to see if I have diabetes or if I am at risk for having that.

I really want to get healthy and lose the weight- I just know it is going to be really hard.
Will create the new page and update daily as soon as I get the diet started or find out anything new.

Driving Safely - Is that a new concept?

This video is very graphic, but while watching it I was so shocked and taken aback. We need to watch what we do on the road. I never seen anything this bad personally, but they do happen. People don't pay enough attention, they are on their cell phones, texting, talking to passengers, eating....etc and accidents happen. Very sad video, but I thought it was worth sharing.

So it makes me wonder; is driving safely a new concept? Or are just a lot of drivers (not all, most drivers I know personally are very safe) ignorant to their foolishness on the road?

Thoughts?

My Flight Experience [May 2010]

Third time is a charm perhaps? This is my third time trying to get back to where I grew up. First the plane left too early, then it was cancelled; third time now it is in progress. I will tell you up to this point now and I will update when I am finished with the flight.

So, arrived at the departing airport around 3:30 (flight scheduled to leave 4:30 PM) The started us through security early (the plane hadn't yet landed at the airport even). We left around 4:45 Pm. The flight was fairly quick and easy. Sat by a nice lady. Unfortunately I did not get a window seat but that is besides the point.

Landed in Houston (mind you is under construction...but that doesnt really affect anything). Took a shuttle bus from Terminal A to Terminal B (where we all got off to find our Terminal). My boarding pass told me that I was supposed to go to Terminal E but I looked at the flight status board and it told me to go to Terminal C. So, I got on the "train" to said terminal. Walked a few flights of stairs (they have escalators but I fear those...) so I was out of breathe. Found a Wendy's near my gate so got some food. All the walking and then the meal took up most of the 3 hour wait.

Interesting Fact:
First plane (unsure kind?) : 29 passengers
Second (from Houston - 737 maybe?) : around 180 passengers
Third (From Salt Lake City to Idaho - Embrasalia or some kind of plane...made partly in Brazil...) 1 passenger!

Anyway. The flight from Houston was alright. Almost three hours long. Sat by a young married couple. Again,no window seat but it was dark anyway (almost 9 pm till around midnight). We got to watch a film on this plane. Tooth Fairy. There was a different film that I was hoping to see (can't remember it at the moment). Tooth Fairy was a good movie. The film with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. He played Derrick, a man with no faith in fantasy or dreams. He told a kid that he'd never make it in Hockey and then told his girlfriends daughter that there was no such thing as the tooth fairy. Derrick then got sent to "tooth fairy land" where he had to learn the job of a tooth fairy. Needless to say, he learned to believe in, not only the tooth fairy, but dreams in general.

Anyway, the flight ended shortly after the film....and there was MORE! walking. Had to walk from terminal B to E this time. They are not really terminals because the terminals are titled 1 and 2. However I had to walk from where the B gates where to where the E gates are (or will be in 6.5 hours).

Now I am just sitting here writing this blog about the flight as it has been so far. All in all not too bad. Last time I got so sick. Right now I am just hungry and thirsty.

Have you flown recently? Tell me YOUR story. Who did you fly with? The majority of my flight has been Continental, and in the morning I will fly Delta.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, this is how the rest of my flight went.

I waited 8 long hours before my plane was set to depart. I sat in the gate area all alone....except for the people cleaning the airport.

Around 6 AM I sat and just watched people, and waited for people to come and wait for the flight too....but no one came and it was getting closer for boarding time. Come to find out, I was the only passanger on the flight!

Seriously. I got the plane to myself. How sweet is that? Ever flown by yourself before? I got to sit wherever I wanted, and the flight attendant offered me all the drinks I wanted. It was a sweet deal.

Anyway, landed 15 minutes early, and I was glad the flight was over. In the waiting area of the airport I found my cousin and my grandparents waiting.

Now, I would love to hear your travelling experiences! Feel free to share them with me in a comment!

Novel Idea [five]

First I want to say, I am not ripping off Ellen Hopkins novel entitled Impulse. Yes, it sounds like it might be relateable...however I am going to take a different spin on the story.


Three to Five strangers end up in Blackstone, a mental hospital, because they all tried to end their lives. Not sure how many strangers I am going to use yet. I may end up making it be about just one patient, or maybe two who fall in love. Still working out the details.

If you have any ideas on how I should take this story, feel free to let me know. Would love to hear what other people would like to see.


Visit my page later on for continuing information on this specific novel.

Novel Idea [Four]

Here is the next novel idea that I have in mind.


A women in her 30’s loses her husband and is left to carry on with two children (10 and 7 years). She never had a job because her husband made enough to support the whole family, they can survive a while with what’s left of what he has made but eventually they use it all and are left broke.

The beginning of the story shows the woman as she watches her husband take his final breath, and the machine to flatline.

The story follows her and her children trying to get by after the man dies.

Will update this when I add more information to the plot.

Thoughts

Novel Idea [Three]

Here is the next idea that I have come up with for a novel. I want to be original, and creative but there are so many stories out there, so it is hard sometimes to come up with something that hasn't been done yet. Anyway...I digress...

My story is about a college girl whose life takes a turn down a bad road. In the beginning she was a smart straight A student, and a bright girl who grew up with Christian values. After some time in college, she meets some new people who lead her down the wrong path and end up leaving her stranded.

Can she pick up the broken pieces and fix her life, or is it too late? Tune in for more.

I came up with this story line from past experience, and from stories I have heard from friends and other people.

Thoughts?

Novel Idea [Two]

For the past four or five years, I have been coming up with new ideas for novels that I want to complete eventually. Now that I have this blog, I have decided to share the ideas and see what others think.

This story is the first one that I came up with, and I started writing it while I was a senior in high school.

Teenage Love Tragedy.

Two Lovers: Cheyenne and Andrew met in high school.She was a senior with great grades, with the world before her. She planned on going to college to study fashion design. Andrew was a junior and an all star athlete and musician. Music was his life and he planned to go on to college to further his music learning. However much to their surprise, their plans would fall short due to Andrew’s illness and body that was falling apart quickly. It struck him fast and ended his life shortly after he turned 18.

Cheyenne went crazy.Psychotic? Lunacy? She swore she saw his ghost. She was sent to an institution where she has a complete break down/panic attack where she sees her mothers ghost; who talks to her. This discussion turns Cheyenne’s whole life around.

She gets better and gets released, and is able to graduate high school after finishing her credits up with summer school.She goes to Julliard to study art and fashion;and finally gets an internship with a fashion magazine.One day on the way home from the internship, She sees both her mothers and Andrews ghost and she gets in an accident.Its too late when she gets to the hospital and the last words that spill from her lips are, “I Love You”; speaking to Andrew.

Read more: http://writinghood.com/writing/novel-ideas/#ixzz0neaFHa3S


Will write about the others in a post later on. Any thoughts?

New Novel Idea

Not sure if I am going to carry this one out, but I wanted to write the idea out while it is still in my mind. Later on I will write about my other novel ideas as well, but for now here is the newest one.

The novel will be about a small group of people who have lost someone close to them by suicide. I chose this topic because it is very close to me, because I have lost a family member and a few friends to this. The book will explore how this group of people cope and how they survive losing someone. The small group meet up at a support group type thing (yeah not the best description but I am just hashing out what is my mind right now). They talk about their anger, fear, guilt and how they wish they could go back in time to save the person they lost.

I want to write about this because it happens everyday, sadly. Maybe the book will help others who feel depressed and suicidal to see how the people around them would feel if they were to pass on before their time.

For a long time I felt guilty when my uncle took his life. That turned into rage, and anger against God. However I know now that a gunshot was the only thing that took my uncle's life. Not some destiny, or something that was meant to be. My heart still grieves to this day, even though it has been five years. It still feels like it just happened. It is still fresh in my mind. Sometimes I see my uncle in my dreams.

This will all play into my book, if I ever turn this idea into a story.

So what do you all think?

Is This Considered A Tragic Flaw?

The more I think on the tragic flaw topic, I have to wonder - is rambling a tragic flaw?

You would never be able to tell in person that I am a rambler, because I am so shy. However, get me talking through an e-mail (or blog even) and I can write novel length messages. I go on, and on, before I even say what I am really trying to say.

Someone once called me out on this. They said I was too extreme and need to learn how to condense my thoughts.

Condensing my thoughts, although a good idea, is not something that I find easy, or even possible. I try to condense them when I am writing an article because I don't want to make them seem like they are just rambles, however.

So what do you think, if you happen to read this entry. Is rambling a flaw?

More on Tragic Flaws--

If we have the inability to change, what kind of life does one lead? You don't take chances, because that could make things worse. You may not be happy in your unchangeable existance, but it's familiar to you. Thinking of taking chances, and going out into the unfamiliar scares me, even though it is what I have done. I never thought twice. I jumped in head first (or heart first).

If you would just think outside the box, take that leap of faith, stare the fear straight in the face, then you would get to live the life you've only been able to dream about. So why do so many just stick to the status quo, and lead such unhappy and miserable lives?

These are just some thoughts that keep coming to mind after watching that one Everwood scene.

I used to say that I only wanted to move forward. I didnt want to even stand still. But the way I see things now is, as long as I am standing still in the familiar, then I am comfortable- and who wants to break free from their comfort zone? Is it better than changing something and taking the chances that things could be worse off?

Why not have the faith that if you take that leap of faith, do something out of the ordinary, that good things can actually happen?

I am sure I will think up more on this topic, but for now I leave you with this.

Tragic Flaws --

I was listening to a scene from one of my favorite shows; Everwood, and this specific scene got me thinking. Ephram, in this scene is talking about his tragic flaw, and that being the inability to change.

I used to think that my tragic flaw was my shyness, but after much deliberation in my head, I can see it's not my only flaw. I too, have the inability to change. I've tried to change, to make a plan and stick to it, but I still can't change. I always thought it was my surroundings that defined how I was; but that's not it at all.

It's my inability to change. Sure most people may have this flaw to a certain extent, some would never even notice, but inside us we all fear change at least a little bit.

Part of me just wants to go back in time, before anything HAD to change, and then never change again. I just don't feel that I am ready to make all these big changes. I still need time. I still need to grow up.

Honestly, I don't even see where my life is going to go. I don't know what, or who I want to be. I still need to figure it all out.